Monday, January 31, 2011

this beautiful mess

Saturday was demo day at our house.  I don't quite know how to put into words how completely grateful we are for those who came ready to tear it up, on a Saturday.  
For the wives who encouraged their husbands to leave them, kids and their own "honey-do lists" behind to go work on someone else’s house.  Our house.  BLESS you dear souls!  It was dusty, nasty, hard work.  At one point, Andy said he heard hammers in all corners of our house, the push of shovels, and was overwhelmed to tears with gratitude.  We feel so truly blessed.

 part of the crew...

When I walked into the house, the first word that came to my mind was “hideous.”  You can say it.  I thought it.  Absolutely…hideous!  The next thought (and words out of my mouth) was "What have we done?"
They tell me this is what it takes to make new. 
It will take longer, is much harder, and requires patience...but is worth the wait.  
It would have been easier to go in and cover over the cracks in the walls with puddy and paint.  That would have looked prettier, more put together.  But it would only be a matter of time before we would find out about the rats’ nest…or the bats…or who knows what else was in the fury of dust and asbestos that poured out from behind those walls when a sledgehammer cracked into them.  
I think about this as I drive home.  About this mess.  It feels vulnerable.    It's refining.  And we are so very dependent.  But there's beauty in that.  

The hard discipline is to lean into the ugly and whisper thanks to transfigure it into beauty.  The hard discipline is to give thanks for all things at all times because He is all good.  

I have lived the runner, panting ahead in worry, pounding back in regrets, terrified to live in the present, because here-time asks me to do the hardest of all: just open wide and receive.  - Ann Voskamp

Learning to open wide and receive, giving thanks in all things, for all things.
Especially this beautiful mess....and for all those who helped us make it!

1 comment:

  1. Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting.
    (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

    love that you see past the mess to the beauty, sara!