Thursday, August 18, 2011

back to school

 1st day of school 2011
this little buddy has been my sweet (and funny) li'l sidekick


 gluten-free dulce de leche goodness (you are too good to me, Marina :)
These are delightful days: peaches are here to can, preparing for a thank-you open house, sewing a curtain here and there, getting yet another snack for Jude, someone else popping in for a visit, continuing to unpack, spontaneous bike rides with friends (now neighbors :), making up most meal recipes on the spot based on whatever fresh-picked produce lies on our counter (recipes to come...)  

But tonight, 8 o'clock could not come fast enough.  Not because I was ready for the boys to be in bed, but because the tears needed to flow without trying to blink them away or hide them so they don't know the burden I am carrying for them.  There's only so many prayers like Miles' tonight that I can hear:  "Lord, please help me to have a friend at school because no one wants to play with me."  Or Jack's assessment of moving to a new school and missing his old friends from last year:  "Mom, can we please stay at this school for atleast 2 years?"  

The struggle of starting from scratch.  The embarrassment of not fitting in.  The desperate cries to God in the times He is all we have.  These lessons are so hard to watch your kids learn.  So much of motherhood to this point has been about protecting them from pain, removing them from harm, being there to hug a hurt.  How does one let that go?  
And, how can I drop them off to an unknown day again?
And yet, what would it teach them about perseverance and growth if we just run from every hurt, dodge every disappointment?  
So many questions...
We search for answers.
We open the Bible before bed, and tonight's story happens to be about Rachel and Leah (from Genesis 29-30).  I love the way the Jesus Storybook Bible tells it:  "Rachel was the kind of girl who always gets invited to parties and chosen for the team.  Everyone loved her.  And poor Leah?  No one hardly even noticed her...But God didn't think she was ugly.  God chose her - to love her specially, to one day, rescue the whole world through Leah's family. Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart, suddenly it didn't matter anymore whether her husband loved her the best, or if she was the prettiest.  Someone had chosen her, someone did love her - with a never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love."  (Goes on to tell how she would become a princess when Jesus would be one of her descendants, the very Prince of Heaven: "This Prince would love God's people.  They wouldn't need to be beautiful for Him to love them.  He would love them with all of His heart.  And they would be beautiful because He loved them.")

Putting them in bed, I'm asked another hard question: "Mom, is tomorrow going to be better?"  My eyes fill with tears.  Looking away, I search for words...{Thinking: "Why do some deal with such heartache?  How can I let him face it?  Am I doing the right thing?"}...And it comes to me: "Tomorrow will be full of wonderful things.  Just like today was full of wonderful things.  {We list them.}  We just have to look for them."  
That's what we've been doing.  Together.  Not knowing what tomorrow holds, but confident that His grace is sufficient, because He *loves* us!  So we say, like Leah, "This time, I will praise the Lord!" (Genesis 29.35)  

541. recess and lunch - jack
542. making crafts - miles
546. gym class was awesomer than the other gym class - miles
547. eating dilly bars at the fountain after school - jack
551. found my lunchbox - miles
553. we have a nice house to live in - miles
556. for parent pick-up - jack
557. for the many evidences of His care.


  1. Hard stuff, friend. Praying for your boys and their dear mama, too! May God come through in really clear ways!

  2. P.S. Even though it may not feel like it, I know that God is giving you and Andy just the right words for your boys. I know that He'll give you grace/wisdom as needed to parent your sweet ones. He knew that you two would be the very best parents for them! Courage, mon amie !

  3. I SO admire your attitude and your heart Sara! You're doing the right thing. Thanks for always challenging me to be a better mom. I'm praying today is a really great day for the boys and I'm praying for one really great friend for Miles. One great friend can make such a difference!

  4. Sara, I am praying for you guys, too. We just moved last year and just today in sunday school they talked about leaving things. The kids instantly talked of their best friends. How much they miss them and how they wish they had best friends hard. I appreciate reading your journey with your boys. Thanks for sharing.

  5. holl - thanks dear friend! you will be so excited to hear who has been watching out for miles - someone you know very well (mrs. brum...) - isn't that awesome?!?

    cherith - you can't know how much your words (and prayer) mean to me. he has had some wonderful days, and i have to know it is because the Lord hears.

    mindy - again, i so appreciate your prayers. praying now for yours to have a close friend, and for comfort and encouragement until then. p.s. can't see the welcome wknd signs without thinking about you :)

  6. That's so great to hear things are better for Miles, Sar! Hooray for Mrs. B.! I'll message you about a call.