well, hello there!

I feel like you deserve an explanation for my sporadic or rather, lack of blogging. First there was teaching preschool, then came summer, and now...well, honestly not sure when I used to blog. I love to write about life, but when writing gets in the way of living, it's time to take a break. 
So, thanks for understanding. And really, thank you for coming back. Even if you saw enough of Ireland, it is sweet of you to check in again :)

Here's a glimpse of what we've been up to:

We savored our summer. 
But, we welcome in fall.
The shifting of the seasons reminds us that He never changes.
I sometimes wonder what I'd do if handed a remote like Adam Sandler. How often would I be tempted to "click" on to the next season of life, to brighter days. Or, can we seek the blessing living this day before us offers.


Lately, I just keep coming back to this

In His presence, a scroll of remembrance was written to 
record the names of those who feared Him and loved to think about Him. "They will be my people," says the Lord Almighty. 
"On the day when I act, they will be my own special treasure. 
I will spare them as a father spares an obedient and dutiful child." 

Malachi 3.16b-17 {NLT}

The way we live today matters. 
Because in all seasons, there is One who remains.
One who has created you, knows you and calls you precious.
He knows what you're facing, and He hears when you call to Him.
Those who fear Him and love to think about Him...They will be my people, says the Lord Almighty. 


His own special treasure...what a promise!

life goes on

Life is precious, fragile and unpredictable. I truly believe this, but it always takes me by surprise when we feel it. My grandma Hazel passed away yesterday. She was 93 and has been in a lot of pain these last weeks, so she is much better off now. But when you lose someone you care so deeply for, it's always too soon. The time was never long enough.

 

Bare feet, sloppy joe's, cream sweaters, upset the fruit basket,
dancing snowmen, pumpkins, wicker chairs, gum drops, 
dark blue bottles, cherry pie, herbs, Max Lucado,
and wind chimes will always remind me of her.

In the words of her obituary: "Hazel celebrated life in all its seasons and ages." Just last year, she was telling me how I must have my hands full with 3 boys. She said she'd keep trying to get out of the nursing home, so that she could come out to help me (at 92 years of age :) I love that she truly believed that! 

It has been so sweet to find traces of history in these things of hers. Of lives that were fully-lived. Stories that can only be pieced together by imagination. Personalities that unfold in hidden postcards.

It makes me think of the story we're living. The legacy we're leaving.
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough?
We may have a ripe 93 years of this life to make things right, 
or we may not make it through the night. Yet, life goes on...
This world is not our home. This life is not the end.

May we learn to swing wide our doors to those who need a hug or a hand or a gum drop (or ten). 

And may we not waste another minute of another day depending on anyone other than the Name above all names, Jesus Christ--our only Hope.

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared,

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, 

but because of His mercy.

~ Titus 3.4

overcome

We were in Ikea a year ago. I was waiting for the receipt of $10 worth of 59 cent mugs and napkins. The aroma of warm cinnamon rolls wafted over to me. We were all hungry - it was 1 o’clock, and we were an hour away from our favorite restaurant, where we planned to eat lunch. So, Andy bought the boys and himself a hot dog.  I searched the place for something gluten-free, and found nothin’. I remembered some carrots in the car, but a hot dog never looked so good and that smell of cinnamon rolls seemed just wrong. We were walking out the door, when the words escaped my heart through my lips. 

It’s not fair.

I don’t say that much, and regretted it as fast as it came out. But it was too late. The poison in my heart spewed from my lips. Then I saw it, the image that is still seared into my memory. And, I hope it is as long as I live. As soon as I said those 3 venomous words, we came to a halt, waiting on the lady in front of us. Her legs were crippled - Polio? Diseased? Every muscle in her body straining to walk. 
Straining. 
To. 
Walk. 
The boys take their hot dog from their mouths to watch. Those words still echo in my mind, and I am filled with regret, shame, tears. 

Who am I to complain? Were we on our way to eat lunch, with carrots in the car to tie me over? Was I walking out the door with no pain, no struggle? Did we have money to buy our boys a meal when their tummies were growling? And even if not, could I then complain? 
Or, are those exactly the words the enemy wants us to say, to fuel a spirit of defeat, discontent, ingratitude. Life is not fair. It’s a fact. We have all seen people who deserve so much more, suffer through heartache, pain, loss. We have felt it. 

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me.  

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  

But take heart, because I have overcome the world. 

~ Jesus, John 16.33

Jesus *knew* not fair.  He knew we would have many trials and sorrows, because He did so Himself.  And yet, He overcame every trial, temptation, even death itself! 

I don’t know what life is like from your end of the computer screen, what discontentment brews in your heart that makes you wanna scream It’s not fair! One quote that has come to mind often over the last 9 years:

 God never wastes pain.

~ Jerry Bridges  

We may never know the reason for a trial until that glorious day when we stand before the One who has promised to wipe away every tear from our eyes. I have to wonder if sometimes the purpose is simply for us to long for that day. When there will be no more hurt, no more sorrow or disease or hunger or wrong or suffering. Jesus warned this life would be like childbirth. We don't go into childbirth expecting no pain, everything to go as planned. 
But, it's not in vain. God never wastes pain. 

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

~ Jesus, John 16.21-24

This morning I was packing up my gluten-free muffin to take with me and the boys to Muffins for Moms at their school. They noticed and said "I wish you could just eat a regular muffin. It's not fair you have to bring your own." Those words tempt, but I picture that lady straining to walk, or the children who woke up this morning with hungry tummies and bare cupboards, or the boys who eat a muffin with their mom's body in the grave. And, it doesn't seem fair. BUT...He has overcome! And we can too. I tell them it's not about the muffin, that I'm just thankful to be with them, and He fills with joy. 

Joy isn’t grounded in our circumstances; 

it is grounded in the unchanging character of God.
~ C.C. James

Take heart, friends. He has overcome! 
We are so very blessed...

outside

Yesterday was one of those days.


Andy gently nudged me from the nest and gifted me with the space of quiet.
He even set my bike out on the sidewalk for me. 
He takes care of me, that guy.

Someday I may be able to put into words the whirlwind of stories and emotions and events from this past week {turning 34!, celebrating the Resurrection and the Life!!, "mom and me" road-trip to Ohio with my middle son for the auction of my grandma's estate, conversations in the car, another flood of sewage in the basement, call from my love at 11 pm on his way to the ER with a head injury from indoor soccer, new parenting challenges, to name a few}.

It's been a lot to process, and I didn't think I had the time to do so. 

Truth is, I didn't have the time not to. 

Somewhere in those 30 minutes of open eyes and stillness, pedaling and listening, I heard:

be careful what you treasure.

make the most of your days.

this is not all there is. 

AND, never ever second-guess your husband when he suggests you get outside for awhile. 

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;

give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

~ psalm 86.11

Happy Monday, friends!

Wishing you all moments of fresh air and open eyes, 

chances to be reminded of who you are and who you want to be.

heart that is weary

I had intentions of sitting down last night to write something about everything. Then we discovered our basement had flooded with sewage. All 3 boys were running around saying "It smells like poo in here," and I wasn't even cooking Thanksgiving turkey, there really was poop in our basement! Apparently, one of our boys had thrown rocks down a pipe last week in our basement and now our drains are backed up and flowing onto the floor. Why do things like this happen the day before we're planning to leave for spring break...
More practice to look for the bright side.
So, now that I'm not allowed to run the water or wash the dishes or do the laundry or poop in our toilets, I have time to sit down and write a little something.  Although I'm not sure what, after writing poop so much in one post.  How about I try to remember what I would have written last night before the evening consisted of bleach and a wet-vac.  

It's that time of year when I break out Amy Carmichael's If. It is small enough to fit in your pocket, but don't let it fool you. It's not a quick read. It's in the suitcase, to muse over this next week. Last year, this pierced me right through:

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; 

if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; 

if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served than to serve, 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

~Amy Carmichael, If

This week, I have read and re-read this every day:

No vision of the night can show, no word declare, 

with what longings of love Divine Love waits till the heart, all weary and sick of itself, 

turns to the Lord and says, "Take full possession."  

There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart 

as though He were unwilling to fill us: 

He is as willing as light is willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; 

willing as water is willing to flow in an emptied channel.  

Love is pressing round us on all sides like air.  

Cease to resist, and instantly love takes possession.

~Amy Carmichael, If

Oh, heart that is weary and sick of itself, want to hear the bright side? 
Cease to resist, and instantly Love takes over.     

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.

1 John 4.16b-17a {NLT}

Feel so very far from living in love, from your love being perfect?  
That is right where He wants to meet you, to flood you with light as you pull back the curtains of your heart.

For I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough.

~ Jesus, Matthew 9.13b {NLT}

Wherever this week takes you, whether on a 20-hour road trip or another day of the same-ol'-same-ol', I pray we learn to cease to resist.  

Let Love take full possession.

Happy Spring Break-ing!!  We're working on our winks (and our smiles :)

sick days

I wouldn't have chosen the past days to go as they have, especially having to leave this 

to spend the night throwing up more than I have in the last 12+ years combined... Such has been our week. An unfortunate series of events that included a stomach virus taking us all out. At one point, I was helping Jude while he was vomiting, holding my own trash can to catch mine. At another, Jack tells me "I saw my lunch on the wall!" And, that's all I need to say about that. But, somewhere in the middle of fevers and viruses and CT-scans and gatorade and rice cakes and up all night with sick kids and up all night sick myself, 
I see how very blessed we are.

~For parents who don't wince at the germs and come anyway, to stay and play. For their prayers and calls and texts and care.

~For friends who offer to run to the store for us, drop off a meal, help my hubby find the organic apples, ask to come stay with our kids when a trip to the ER is a possibility (not minding the germs), and keep checking up on us, wanting to help.
~For our family man, and all the ways he serves and loves and serves and loves...
~For a God who hears. When we are at the absolute end of all we can do, listening to the cries of our son in pain and his own prayers: "You calmed the sea and healed men from leprosy. Would you please heal me?" What helplessness, yet such faith are in those words. We can't demand He give the answer we think is best. He is the Almighty God. But He hears, and continues to meet us, shining His light in our darkest moments.

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts.

~ 2 Corinthians 4.6 {NIV}

Our little earth trembling beneath us has been a gentle reminder that we are so very frail. And so, we cling to the Almighty, hold close those we love, try to bless others they way they have us. Continuing to learn to grab hold of the important things in this life. To cherish the imperishable. 

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. 

They must be felt with the heart.

~Helen Keller

living a life

Instructions for living a life: 
Pay attention. 
Be astonished.
Tell about it. 
~ Mary Oliver

I took 2 pictures this week. Several times I wished my camera was around, but instead decided to soak it in as best as I know. I didn't think I had much to show, but found these on the boys' cameras tonight and just love what they captured. Life, through little eyes.

Here are my two...

And the memories that are too precious to forget... 

- Going to visit dear T-ma, who is recovering from open heart surgery.  I can still see Miles holding a pink rose, Jack and Jude with cards, standing at the foot of her hospital bed.  All of them quiet, hating to see one so deeply loved in so much pain.  Jude finally tries to put words to what he feels, and says: "Sorry you're not better yet."  

- Chipotle for dinner.  Miles and Jack decided they wanted to sit at a table by themselves.  They had the best time, off on their own (well, a table away).  I couldn't help but think all too soon Jack will be bumming a ride from Miles to take him to Taco Bell.  I could almost picture it as I watched the 2 of them, wondering how we got here so fast.  

- 2 hours in Barnes & Noble, looking at books.  There was something so new, yet nostalgic about it all.  Andy and I used to go there lots, pre-kids.  Then it morphed into flipping through magazines near the Thomas table.  And now...the boys nudging me to show me a different lego set, bug fact or shark picture; Andy pointing out a backyard idea.  I would have loved to stop time at that round table next to the fireplace, all of us with our warm drinks and stack of books.  
- Jude's first Payton Manning shirt, although he calls his "Pee-king Mayonaise Shirt."  And, I don't correct such cute-ness.

- Tiny Thumbelina with the fam, and friends.  Jude clapping after every scene. Jack leaning his head on my arm.   Miles softening to the fact there probably wouldn't be any lightsaber battles.  Meeting the characters afterward, and our boys enamored with the "stars," especially Miss Thumbelina herself.  
Thumbalina: "What was your favorite part of the play?"  Miles: "You." 
- Our church gathered for worship, remembrance and communion.  {Miles' little lego club he started to meet in dad's office after service.}
- Friends gathered to share and care, laugh and cry, coffee and dip.
- Boys cuddled up for the Superbowl.  After wanting so bad to just order a pizza, I broke down and made one {don't have much of a choice when we can't have wheat or rice}.  Would you know it was the best GF one I've made yet?!  Mama John's Pizza is back in bizzness :)


I have tried to sear these moments into my memory. I just don't want to forget. But, I also fear that someone reading this would long for something different than their weekend.  Been there. Done that. This keeps coming to mind:

You will show me the way of life, 

granting me joy in Your presence 

and the pleasures of living with You forever.  

~ psalm 16.11 {NLT}

How far too easily we can settle for a way of life that may not be what the Author intended.  How quickly we look to something or someone for our joy rather than the never-ending-joy-Giver.  The good news?  It's not too late.  And, He is so gracious. 
Wishing you the joy of HIS presence, pleasures of life in HIM!

Happy almost-Monday!  A brand new day, another week, a second chance to:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
Live your life!

real life

I have so much to share with you!  Coming soon …the cheese bread recipe that will change your life …making do (trimming our home with what we already have lying around) …and handmade gifts (great idea, jules!)

But, it’s hard to sit down and write about cheese bread right now.  While this weekend had moments of laughter and hugs, candlelight and romance, boys crawling into my lap just to cuddle, seeing prayers answered and desires of my heart changed…it’s real life.  And in real life, there’s also the moments where your heart sinks when you realize your boy has expired at the park and the long stares and disapproving looks of “what is wrong with him” have started, panic as you discover water pouring into your boys room through the ceiling from the attic, weariness of continuing to have to decide whether to spend “free time” building into this house or our family, uncertainty crunching numbers and wondering how it will all work out (breaking out the envelopes, Dave Ramsey!)

I found myself sighing long, and sighing hard.  I found myself praying little more than “I need Thee.”  Not because there is a huge mountain we must climb.  But because sometimes the journey just gets long, tiring, with endless unknowns.   

The words that kept coming back to me were so simple.  So reassuring.  So motivating. 

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

So good, I wrote it down on our window.  And below it, added “I have everything I need…and so much more!”  I need to be reminded of this.  To linger in awe that the Creator of the universe, the Author of life knows, He hears, it matters to Him, and He will lead us!  Whatever you are facing, you can know He cares!  He is honored in our coming.  He is pleased in our asking.  How blessed are we when the answer we walk away with is that He is our Shepherd.  And, that is more than enough!  

Through the years, we've grown to say “the hard times make the good ones all the sweeter.”  These here are some of the sweetest of moments.

“Goodnight Moon” is a book we have read so many nights to our babies we have it memorized, and now our “baby” is reading it to us!  So surreal.

1^st grade field trip to the apple orchard.  My highlights of the day were certainly when Jack asked me to sit by him on the bus, when he picked me for Red Rover, and just being a part of my boy’s day.  I’m sure it will be all too soon that I won’t be welcome, let alone invited to join along.  So, I’m taking advantage of the time while I can! 

Date Night at Home: a candle, bottle of Lambrusco, appetizer (I recommend the baked jaleps filled with goat (or cream) cheese, topped with prosciutto), and some Carla Bruni playing softly in the background.

The boys asked me to start a cooking school with them.  Ummm...YES!  

Our first lesson was 2 ingredient homemade ice cream without an ice cream maker.   

I followed this recipe, which I will so be using many more times!  This time, I crushed up some GF oreos to make a gluten-free cookies -n- cream. Oh baby, it's been awhile...

So, there you have the hard mixed with the good, joy intermingled with tears, hope in the midst of uncertainty, and this is our life.  

Our craZy, fun, precious, real life.